i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
