I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
