help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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