Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
