i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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