she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize