Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
