My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
