the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wear drunk well.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
