God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
