I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
