You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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