$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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