that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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