He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize