Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
