I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
