a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
