The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how can u be prego again
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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