how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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