Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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