I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
