Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
