for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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