I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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