is your mom at the bar?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
