he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
