i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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