there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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