brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
