whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
