I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
