I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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