he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize