Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
