Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
