he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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