Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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