I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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