some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
