Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
