I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
