So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
