Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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