I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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