did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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