listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
