I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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