I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
