We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
