drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
