if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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