she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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