Plan B is the new Plan A
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
