I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
