He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
