I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
