Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
