Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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