Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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