So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
