One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
