I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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