people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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