New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
