Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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