we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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