32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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