TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
