We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
