I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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