what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
